How often do we allow others to hurt us? 

How often do we allow others to determine how we should feel, what our actions should be, how we should think and believe?

 

If somehow has ‘hurt us’ it is because we have allowed them to have power and control over what we think and feel in this moment. 

If you are hurt by what another says or does, it is because you have momentarily given away your power and your ability to live in your truth.

 

 

It’s one thing to listen and take in someone’s opinion when they are attempting to be helpful, when they are caring and kind, and when they want the very best for you.  It’s not okay to accept another’s opinion or point of view as being more relevant or important than your own – or to accept another’s perspective if it is given with anything less than kindness, compassion and love.

 

In moments when you feel hurt, you may want to ask yourself, how often do I allow others to determine how I feel, what my actions should be, and what I should think or believe?

 

Each time that you experience someone’s negativity – their harsh words, their criticism, their anger, their fear, their insecurities, their pain, know that they are simply reflecting their state of mind, their beliefs and values, their feelings and thoughts in that particular moment.  Who they truly are is not indicative of what they are showing you in that moment.  Their actions and words in these moments are not reflective of their highest potential.  When others say or do things that contribute to your suffering – you must first remember that they are in that moment – struggling; they are not of their highest self – and thus not equipped to best help or assist you.

Because we often seek the approval of others, we can be vulnerable to the people who matter most to us.  Because we want acceptance, inclusion, approval and love, and if it is not forthcoming – or if instead we receive criticism, disapproval, judgment, or anger – not only do we feel deflated and hurt, but we may unknowingly transfer some or all of that negativity – unto our self.

 

If you allow others to affect how you think and feel; then your happiness and well being becomes determined by situations and people external to you and not what is in your heart – and most important to you.

The words and actions of others will always have some influence on us but they are not responsible for nor can they ever be our source of happiness.  You are responsible for how you feel and you are capable of changing how you feel each time you move away from your inherent state of happiness.

 

 

You may want to be mindful and recognize when another is not is a good place.  You may wish to help them to feel better or attempt to appease their circumstances but then to detach from the outcome.  Others are ultimately responsible for how they feel – just as you are responsible for your feelings and mood in all moments.

 

When you are able to witness another in their higher vibrational state – you can appreciate their words and actions which are now of grace; of kindness – and of love.  Anything less than that can cause you to suffer.

*Especially in situations when others are deliberately hurtful – perhaps they have revealed this in their words as they are unkind, angry or with vengeful action.  In these instances, know the same; that they are not their highest self.  No matter how much they have intentionally sought to hurt you, it is only a reflection of their current state of being and not who they are – and certainly what they say or do is not reflective of your truth.

 

In these moments, remember to return to your own inner knowing – your truth. 

Return to the wisdom of your highest self and what you know to be right and best for you.  This is also good practice so that you do not allow others to determine how you think and feel.  Let only your deepest wisdom guide you; not your ego mind, not your hurt self, not your own critical inner voice.  Instead let yourself move into your heart centre.  Trust that this is from where you must seek your intuitive knowing and guidance.

 

Perhaps this is felt most easily as you place a hand over your heart center, allowing for the connection that you feel to be what moves you inward – into yourself – into your being – into your truth.  It is from here that you witness the gentle nature of what is true.  It is not from your head – your [ego] mind – that this truth presents itself – it is from the deepest place of inner knowing and the wisdom that you find here – that is expressed as an intuitive feeling, as an inner knowing, as comfort, truth, and wisdom; wisdom that is beyond what your mind may tell you.

Whenever you are feeling a hurt; whenever you are suffering – in sadness, in fear, in confusion, in feeling lost, – whenever you have taken the words or actions of another a little too seriously and they have hurt; please remind yourself that what someone says and does is a reflection of where they are in that moment. 

In these moments your decision may be to step back, to step away from taking on whatever hurts may be directly or indirectly pointed at you. 

You may choose to listen politely, or to not engage in the conversation and to excuse yourself politely; but ultimately you must be willing to return to your inner knowing; to knowing that you are remarkable, you are perfect as you are. 

You must ultimately forgive yourself – especially if another is not willing to forgive or forget, you are not the same person that you were when past mistakes and wrong doings occurred.  You are a work in progress as you choose it.

You are your loving inner being and the kindness that flows from this.

 

You can allow yourself to feel hurt, to suffer, to seek vengeance and perhaps to return with hurtful words and actions in response; or you can smile inwardly – knowing that this was not really meant for you; that the highest most beautiful inner being of another – would never say or do these things; would never cause you harm, would never want you to suffer.

 

Let yourself smile inwardly in this moment – let yourself be reminded of this wisdom so that you do not have to carry any hurt with you.  What was said or done is not yours to own, to think about, to harbour, to feel hurt by.  You can only be responsible for your own thoughts, feelings, and the actions that you take.  You can never be responsible for another; and you are not intended to be.

The next time that you feel hurt ‘by another’, be reminded that no one can hurt you unless you allow it; unless you choose it. 

You wouldn’t choose to be hurt.  You would choose to be love and to feel loved.  So begin with this.  Become great at this.  This is the ability to love yourself and to trust wholeheartedly in your goodness, your infinite power, your truth.

This is how we are all meant to live; fully in control of how we feel based on our choosing; based on our inner knowing of our talent, our ability, our goodness; our deserving of self love.

Namaste!

 

If you would like to experience a special meditation designed to help you live more deeply from your heart (centre); to inspire healing and to allow you to feel uplifted, please join me in this ‘heart breathing’ meditation: