‘ask dorothy’

The POWER of Self-Honesty: How Honest Are You Willing To Be? | The Questions I ASK of You

The WISDOM podcast  Season 3  Episode 13

 

– Think of self-honesty as your superpower. –

How Honest Are You Willing to Be?

In therapy and life coaching, self-honesty works to set the stage for what you will accomplish with me. Its about being willing to examine yourself and to admit when what you said or did could have been better, kinder, more loving, more honourable, and wholly truthful.

It’s a question that arises often in my work with clients and a question that I’ve posed and suggested more times than not.

And here are a few others that you will or have already heard me ask.

Is that really true?

Is that completely and wholly honest? and

Are you begin honest with yourself right now?

As I write this I know that its going to land exactly when you need to hear this message. Its one of the most important values of self that you could develop together with loving-kindness, and respectful behaviour that you uphold.

Here’s another thought. You are inherently honest. You learn how to misguide yourself from the truth and it is a conditioned behaviour that you are taught early – largely unknowingly. Have you ever done something as a child, out of curiosity or kindness, or maybe you wanted something and took it upon yourself to have this but not in the right way.

I’m not talking about a moment in which you were mean to a sibling and then scolded for it, rather a situation of innocence in which you honestly intended no harm, and then you were asked about your actions or inaction in a tone and in a manner in which you knew that to answer the truth would find you in trouble.

Have you ever done something as a child that either got you in trouble or somehow didn’t work out the way you thought it would and it became a life lesson – a teaching that would challenge your ability to be true to yourself – to be self-honest?

Case in point. Let’s say that you are a curious four year old with a love of animals and a huge heart. Your neighbours German Sheppard next door had injured its paw and for whatever had happened, the dog now had a large dressing wrapping its paw fully. The German Sheppard was in its usual place in the neighbour’s fenced yard, lying on the grass, attentive, unleashed, on guard.

You approach slowly, softly, aware of the animal watching your every move. Your intention – to touch that paw, to gently pat it, to tell the dog it will be okay and to feel better.

That curious loving child was I, and as much as I was told not to bother the neighbour’s dog; to leave it alone because it had been hurt and needed to rest, I was curious, I was fully intending to just touch gently and lovingly the bandage; curiosity won out.
I don’t have a clear memory of what the bandage felt like or even if I actually did touch its paw before the German Sheppard reacted and bit me; and then everything from that moment was a little less clear.

Now here it was pretty obvious what had happened. My cries followed by the obvious that I had been in the neighbour’s yard, and I could not deny that I had done something that I was clearly told not to do. But even as I was being asked, in those chaotic moments, “Did you touch the dog’s paw?” and beyond my injury and impending trip to hospital, I still needed to be honest. Yes I tried to touch the injured paw. Yes I had disobeyed my parents even though my intentions were completely pure and good.

Would I have been able to be dishonest? Sure. But why?

Did I get in trouble? Yes, and a fearful trip to the hospital and stitches was not fun either. But the story isn’t only about being honest and doing the right thing. It’s about making peace with the fact that sometimes you are going to find yourself in an uncertain, unsafe or even dangerous position and not just physically.

In those moments, I hope that you will be guided by your intention to be kind, to be loving, to be of service, to care, to show compassion, to live from your heart; and to understand that whilst your parents and caregivers often lean on the side of fear when it comes to putting your safety first, the lessons and the life experiences that you gain from honouring your truth and being self-honest to who you are will always serve you.

I’m not suggesting that you take dangerous and unnecessary risks because you are an adventurist. That’s not the message here. Rather be clear about what is right for you and live honourable to yourself.

I’m also not suggesting that this is an excuse to disavow and disobey and break the rules that are in place to keep is safe, but it is about knowing yourself well enough to gauge and assess any situation, and if it means needing to explain to a partner or a friend or to your boss why you are compelled to do something out of the goodness of your heart, you will, with complete honesty find a way to follow your truth and still make the right decisions that will carry you forward and honourably into the next moments of your life.

One of the most important things that you could ever live by is: self-honesty. When you practice this, it becomes a natural expression of who you are. Self-honesty becomes what you are known for and what others can rely on you for – in all situations; which is why they seek you out for your honest input, guidance, and feedback.

I also want you to think of self-honesty as your superpower. Together with loving-kindness, the honesty you hold with yourself and with others, is how you convey and live your authentic power.

It’s powerful to practice self-honesty; to be self-honest because this is how you will make the right decisions, even when your decisions will at times challenge you to face your fears, to step up, to be more, to live easier and to feel happy naturally – because in the moments you have nothing to fear, you always have truth to back you.

Find a way to be honest whilst delivering your message of truth with kindness and thoughtful of how you say what you say. Others will always respect and appreciate your willingness to be honest with them even when your truth is not what they want to hear.

The power of self-honesty lives in how you learn about yourself and know yourself best. This is what builds self-confidence and self-worth – the value that you hold in who you are -.

Self-honesty is the doorway to positive change. When you are willing to be self-aware, to observe yourself in real time and to reflect upon past situations and the behaviours that you are less than proud of, your self-honesty is what propels you to change and to face what is not helpful, so that you can achieve the goals that you seek, and to live your highest potential.

Personal growth needs the touchstone of self-honesty. Otherwise you may convince yourself that what you have been doing and how you have been living is good enough even when you are not happy with the results, and as you may rely on the distractions of blaming others or a situation rather than be accountable to yourself and self-responsible for doing better.

Here’s how to begin. Make a list: a list of one or several observations. You will need to be self-aware. To be a witness, to observe yourself in your life and of course to pay attention to the thoughts you hold and tell yourself.

What are the words inside your mind?

Are you being wholly honest in what you say to yourself?

Write the words you speak in your mind. These are your thoughts. Express them on paper so that you can witness their impact on how you feel, on the actions you will take or have taken; so that you can witness for yourself the impact of what it means to be self-honest or its absence.

Then ask yourself, what is true?

What is true about what I have just written and make the correct; on paper and in your mind. This is how you begin to retrain the way in which you think in self-honesty; how you correct the self-sabotaging words that you speak quietly and aloud, and it is your first venture into re-calibrating to the inner tuning fork on your amazing self – transparent, honest, real, truthful, empowered, free, liberated.

You don’t need to speak all of your true thoughts aloud. Likely others may not be ready nor willing to hear everything and it certainly isn’t needed in order to live from a place of truth. This is for you. It is to rise up to live honest, self-aware, and of the same energy vibration as the god source; the eternal and pure aspect of what you are.

Self-honesty begins with your awareness of your thoughts, how you feel, and of the choices that you are making and to self correct so that you live authentic to your highest self.

 

And some further questions that will keep you living in self-honesty:

‘What would allow me to feel happiness easily?’

‘What do I need in this moment?’ and ‘What is my right path?’ or ‘What is the most honourable way that I can live my life today?’

Self-honesty is an ongoing awareness of what allows you to follow a path that is wholly authentic to who you are. You practice self-honesty most easily as you go within and connect with your truth, your highest self. Simple. Real. Effective.

 

In your life, be wholly honest with yourself. Doing so makes it easier to make any changes along your path – to re-calibrate to what is best and right – for your life. There is nothing wrong with adjusting your path at any moment, with ending a relationship that has run its course; or that is unhealthy or toxic, or to acknowledge that what you once enjoyed, is no longer what you wish to do or experience.

Everything in life is fluid and transient; nothing is fixed nor permanent. It is the same for you and your choices. You are never bound by making a decision even though you might think you are.

Being self-honest reminds you that you need to ‘check in’ with your deepest desires and needs – and to do this often. This is how you continue along a path that is best for you as you are ever-evolving and changing. To be wholly self-honest, is how you will support what change you need, as you need it.

 

Here is my practical wisdom for how to live self-honest.

1. Be accountable to yourself in all moments. This empowers you. Being accountable means asking yourself, “Am I being completely honest with myself (with others)?” Ask this question more in all of the moments of your life and especially when you struggle to make a decision because of what you fear. Make what adjustments you need in order to continue along a path and in a direction that you experience to be best for you now, and as you continue to evolve and transform.

Most of us suffer because we continue to live what is not our truth. For example, you continue in a relationship whether in business or if your personal life that is no longer, or perhaps never was right for you.

Or, you tell yourself that you must do something that is driven by your desire whether intrinsically or as the result of external pressure to please another when in fact doing what is right for you means that you can then freely give to others out of your honest desire to do so. Others who love and support you will always want you to do what is right for you. If this is not what you are experiencing in one of your relationships, then someone may have an alternative motive that only serves what is best for them.

The honesty you hold and what you reveal to others will never hurt them. As long as it is your intention to not harm but to be wholly honest, then you may rely on your desired intention to fuel the outcome that you seek.

Others may for a time be upset or angered by your revelation of honesty; yet when they look within; when they themselves are self-honest; they will realize that your words are never meant to hurt nor harm; that your words of honesty are meant to help them witness you and their own life from a place of expansive clarity, of truth, of positivism and of love. You deepen your connection to others and you become more trustworthy and reliable because of your word being consistently honest and true.

Others can come to practice self-honesty in their own life, seeing that by doing so, it does not cause suffering – in fact it allows for the release of the same.

Practice self-honesty and honesty with others in all of your relationships as your new way of being (in this new year and beyond).

Honesty in your relationships means that others can rely on you to speak your truth with them; to share your honest thoughts and feelings – and to connect on an intimate and deep level in which you both support one another to be all of who you are. This is possible. You lead this by your example and your willingness to honour the other person’s ideals to live their true. Uphold complete and whole honesty in your life and it will always guide you along a path that reveals so much goodness.

 

2. A second and final example of the practical wisdom to live self-honest.

Ask yourself (in your words inside your mind or aloud), “Is this really true?” and “Is what I am telling myself or speaking to others entirely honest and truthful?” If the answer is not a resounding “YES” than be willing to stop and correct yourself. Go within. Know your truth and be bold and courageous to live this as much as possible in all moments. Practice self-honesty because it frees you to live authentic and aligned with your highest self – your soul consciousness.

If you would like my help in deepening your practice of self-honesty and in expressing your honest thoughts and opinions with those you care about most, please connect with me.  Book yourself 15-minute free discovery session here and let me be of help! 

Namaste!  xo

 

Sending you great ? love…

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you…

Namaste!

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

Find all Episodes of The WISDOM podcast here  

Love in your inbox?  Subscribe to my weekly WISDOM Notes here

Visit me on social media? :  Twitter   Instagram  Facebook

More  l o v e  and  w i s d o m:

* How to Live As Love  [YouTube Video]

* The Kindness Challenge [Read The WISDOM BLOG post here]

* Live Your Greatness [Podcast Episode Season 1]

* This Is A Self-Love Movement  [YouTube Video]

* The Ultimate Self-Love WISDOM toolkit

* Self-Love: A Meditation to Heal Your Life  [The Wisdom Archives]

* Do You Let Love In? How to Feel Deserving of Love  [Podcast Episode]

* Work with Me [Life Coaching & Therapy]