The Answer? Never.
Sometimes the best answer in a situation where you are being asked a question that you do not wish to answer is a thoughtful deflection. Humour will help soften the reveal of what you are not willing or comfortable to say. Not all questions of you need to be answered. Wherever possible its best to speak to why you are not giving an answer. For example, “When I know more about X, I may feel more comfortable speaking/giving my opinion on this” or “I’m not able to answer/speak on that at the moment” are two honest responses that deflect with (some) explanation of why you are not willing to reveal what you do not wish to.
The best strategy for communicating effectively is twofold: to tell people what they want to hear and to tell them the truth.
You can do both successfully and with honesty. People want to be reaffirmed that they are liked, that they are helpful and kind and that are inherently good. We all appreciate being complimented whether on a major achievement, or a new pair of sunglasses that we think looks good. If you are being truthful than you will be able to tell another person both what they want to hear and also what is truthful. This would eliminate the need for white lies.
When you tell people the truth, they can trust you. They can count on you to be honest with them even if it means that sometimes what you say is not what they want to hear. And if they are being wholly honest with themselves, then they already know the truth – even when they wish it were not so.
If you treat others as you would want to be treated, then answering honestly – even if this is a ‘non-answer’ – that is – you are choosing to not disclose information for whatever reason – will be respected far more than if you were to be dishonest. The secret is to be kind in your delivery of your answer. I also encourage clients to preface what they are about to say so that the receiver is prepared that their answer is going to be completely truthful – and may not necessarily be what they would prefer to hear.
A final suggestion to help…
If it is you who has asked a question of another, remember that you ultimately know best what you need to do – even if you are not always willing to listen to your inner truth (or follow it). If someone is telling you their honest opinion and you can trust that they care about your well being – then having someone reiterate what you already know can help move you to action; to acknowledge what you know to be true – and to begin living this truth deliberately.
Do you need some clarity and truth giving? Book a free 15 minute discovery session with me by phone or Skype and let me help you find your best answers. Click the image below to view the contact form!
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