‘ask dorothy’

The Best Part About A Breakup| A Real Life Client Story

The WISDOM podcast  Season 2 Episode 65

 

 

      

 

 

The breakups that are the most difficult are the ones you have not prepared for. You may know in your heart that this is not the right person for you and yet you are not ready to let them go – to be alone – to be for a time, lonely; to rediscover what it means to be with your self.

You may not yet be ready to fill your life with your own company; to be single; to be rejected, to wonder if you will ever meet someone great or someone at all?

The best part about breakups is that you are being forced to be with yourself; something that may not be easy nor comfortable at first; but if you can stay with this; I promise with my help and guidance; and with your belief that you are worth being with – you will find the most incredible person to appreciate and love – in yourself.

 

Your breakup, even if it was not what you chose and even as it does not feel so right now, in this moment – it is an opportunity to pause; to examine what was not right for you.

Let me explain:

If someone has said ‘goodbye’; if they have packed up their belongings after 15 years and two children together; or if the person you cheated on with no longer wants to be with you; or if you decide one day that this was the last straw; that nothing will every change – that you no longer want to live with unrelenting drama and abuse; – for whatever the reasons are that the relationship is over, right now it may feel as though you are not better off; and then more time passes and you dive deeper into who this person is today; from where you have come; from what you know now that you need and want; beyond what you have been grieving, what you have lost, which is also beyond the person and the relationship that you are still mourning.

 

You are in the same moment finding yourself; re-calibrating to what was once important; what still is important; what you had sacrificed and given up; or perhaps never knew existed, and in rediscovering who you are – today, you realize that you can be for yourself what you need – and then some.

You may or may not reach the realization that you are mourning love; the feeling of being ‘in love’ which is largely concealed by you feeling the experience of love that in fact originates from within. The other person – your former partner – was the beautiful catalyst of your love; yet your love was always available, always a part of you; always readily accessible whenever you direct yourself unto it; and your love is always going to available to you.

 

The feeling of what it means to be a part of a couple; the experiences that were once such an important part of your life, maybe taken for granted – now cherished as some of the greatest moments of your life. These are all the reminders of what you can have again and different and better with yourself and in a new relationship.

I remind my clients who are single; that now is really the best time to know yourself for who you are today; for who you are becoming, to make the chosen changes that will help you feel alive again; to heal and reclaim your wholeness and perhaps to feel for the first time – in the space in which you hold unto yourself – that you are deserving of more. More trust, more authenticity, more respect, more kindness, more honesty, more passion, more compatibility, more love, more loyalty; more everything. Your job now is to hold unwavering faith and belief in what you are manifesting by what you are able to do for yourself in self-care, self-love and autonomy and then to choose what next relationship shall be the very best for you.

I remember when my client Anna* had sought my help to make a decision about whether to leave her relationship of eight months. Her partner had always been controlling; insecure, jealous, and now she noticed how he was handling his relationship with his kids from a previous marriage and the ongoing animosity with his former wife that had resulted in criminal charges.

Suddenly it was like a light went on for Anna; and she no longer wanted to be with someone who did not value his relationship with his children and how bitter and vengeful he could be with his former partner. Anna recognized the patterns of care taking and the emotionally laborious efforts to help that she did not want to repeat in another relationship.

We don’t always get to see the whole person until a situation is presented in which character is brought to light under strained or stressful circumstances. You may make excuses for why you can tolerate some things – even when they are not ideal – but when when a core value is breached, it can be the tipping point and an important reason for why you will choose to no longer be in relationship.

 

As you may be feeling alone, abandoned, rejected, questioning your ability to ever find love again; when you begin to examine your part in the breakup – “Yes, I said it – your part.”

It may be that you didn’t act sooner when you knew that your partner was unhappy; that you could have made bolder moves to take seriously their words and pleas for change of some of what you had been doing or not doing – and perhaps as you ignored your intuition – guiding you to work on the relationship and instead you refused to see your part in creating distress, unhappiness and misguided intentions; or you may admit that this never was the right person; that you settled for less than what you deserve and certainly less than what you truly want.

 

For whatever the reasons why you or they chose to end the relationship, it is time for you to decide what will be who you truly are – your individual presence in your own company – as you set in motion the choice to be what you have always needed to become; your best self – and for yourself first and foremost.

And because you need to grow again to set forth unto who and what you can be; who and what you truly are and to learn how to be the person – the being – that you have always wanted; the person that you have always been capable of and to bring into the light of day this incredible being; as you witness yourself with love and as you cherish your journey beginning now.

There have been occasions where two people have separated for a time, and then returned to each other; to a relationship that is now different because both chose to experience their life lived on their own terms and in the knowledge that they would be better individuals first.

I also want to point out how difficult it can be to work on yourself whilst in a relationship if you and and your partner are both challenged with the tasks of sorting out your own dilemmas and baggage and the hurts and wounds that may continue to be triggered without relief and the right strategies for mending what has already happened. It can be done and it does requires both people to have a strong commitment to their individual work as well as the practice of being different in their relationship with one another.

Often this means working with a professional individually and as a couple, and to make self-growth a priority.

Everything in life shapes us. We allow our experiences to define us or we choose what our findings will be. Each relationship illuminates what we are and what we still seek to become. If you are relying on your partner to ‘make you’ feel worthy, lovable, desirable, etc ask yourself, ‘Do I want to rely on another person for how I feel about myself?’  ‘How can I know that I am enough?’  and ‘How do I feel more than deserving of happiness, love, commitment, loyalty, honesty, adventure, trust, and all that I seek?’

Often we do our best work when we are single because this allows us to focus all of our effort on what change we are making unto our self.

 

If you are single or know that you ought to be – consider this as a most sacred and privileged opportunity for as long as you have before you begin the next relationship with the words:

‘I am enough.’

‘I am ready to be all that I can for me first and then for the next person that I choose that will love me as I deserve to be loved – and then some.”

‘I am ready to be unconditionally loving without needing anything in return.’

‘I am confident in all that I have to offer the right person and until then I will love myself.’ ‘I will love my life.’

‘I will enjoy every moment that I am with myself because I love this being and I know my worth.’

‘I know that I will find and meet the love of my life.’

‘I allow great love into my life.’

‘I will be / I am ready for a beautiful and healthy love relationship when it happens.’

 

“The best part of a breakup is a rebirth and a love affair that you have first with yourself.” – dorothy ratusny

You can find a list of the positive affirmations that I have just listed and that will guide you to foster belief in your self that you can download in the pdf that awaits you in the description. Not only do you need to rehearse these affirmations but you need to practice your belief in them felt within your entire being. And if you would like my help with this, please reach out to me.

And finally, Anna did meet the man of her dreams. She will tell you that it took longer than she would have liked, but in that time, she did much work to heal her past marriage; and its sudden ending when her husband and the father of her four children died in a motor boating accident. She will tell you that much of this work was on her ability to believe in her worthiness and that she was deserving of true love.

Much of what holds us back is our thoughts and beliefs. Anna learned how to trust in what was always on its way to her. She and her partner Craig have been happily together ever since and that was five years ago. Love is on its way to you. You need to quantify what you truly desire and then, as you continue to work on what self-enhancements and growth is needed; all in the space of loving yourself completely, and as you remain open to what you are manifesting.

*The name of my client has been changed to protect her privacy; her story is real.

 

Get the PDF list of your ‘I AM Mantras’ here 🙂

 

 

Sharing the wisdom and beauty of divine love with you…

Namaste!

If you have a question or if you would like my guidance or help, please reach out to me:  dorothy@dorothyratusny.com

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A generous ‘thank you’ to Audio Engineer, P. Kirpikau  radioplato

Podcast Theme Music:  ‘Aura’ from the Album, Illuvia by Eternellwww.eternell.net/album/illuvia

Accompanying Music:  Eternell, ‘Embrace’

 

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